Wordless

We do what we can to go on. To preserve our sanity by any means possible. Some choose words, even when words don’t seem enough….

I look around and see happy smiles

And wonder how I lost mine

I look into the mirror and see a ghost

This wasn’t me, dishevelled and crying

 

I left my heart open

Only to watch it bleed

And all the times I was told to give up and leave

I paid no heed

 

I try to immerse myself in work

But the scars run too deep

Unable to function or think

I find myself staggering and collapsing in a heap

 

My mind is screaming in anguish

Yet my lips don’t move

Keeping up this façade of normalcy

Just so that no one around would notice or disapprove

 

I wake up pained and tear-streaked each day

To this harsh reality

Hoping and praying it was all just a nightmare

But what persists is this calamity

 

The noise is chaotic and the silence deafening

Each day is the same yet everything changed

To be held captive by my heart and head

Has left me feeling completely deranged

 

Feeling worthless and empty is all am left with

To be given up on, is more than one can bear

It’s a constant reminder without the heart’s consent

Why is it so difficult to be there and care?

 

They say people stay through the good and bad

And a promise you keep

To be a witness to each other daily in the exciting and mundane

Then how does one take that sudden leap?

 

Maybe an open heart isn’t wise they say

But I never really understood this till just now

Though I wouldn’t trade how I love for anything at all

But I know this today, I lost all hope and faith and how……

 

As I write these words in this moment

I feel my insides twist and turn

As the thought reels on and on,

Was it so difficult to love and hold close…………….?

 

Maybe I already know, maybe I would never discern……